sometimes, saya jadi human yang agak normal

"would you pimpin my tangan again ayah?"

it's getting me...hard.
i don't feel as much stress when i'm dealing with people, but the pressure is so much more, immense when i'm dealing with myself...alone.
exams are getting me,hard.
i don't feel as much stress when handling projects, but i felt so much pressure when what i'm dealing with now has got to do with my family.
and to screw it will disappoint many.

back during school days, you'd still have your parents holding your hands, guiding you if you're feeling nervous or cranky or numb..
but now is school days no more.
got no one to hold your hands here.
got to stand on our own.

called mie and ayah just now.
shed tears.
confessing that i'm nervous for my finals starting tomorrow.
and all they can say is to pray hard, study hard and don't be nervous,adapt to my current life now.
yeah. hard.
felt okay when talked to mom, she would always push hard on her kids..just for the best
but couldn't hold it when talking to ayah. normally he wouldn't care whether we're doing ok or not but just now, talking to him makes me feel the hope they're putting on me.
scared i am..yes.

badly need someone to hold me hands...and this is the time when i feel boyfriend and best friends are in no comparison to my family.
when trying is just not good enough.

*sigh*


oopsie: good luck everyone for the upcoming finals!